alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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