You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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