im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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