so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
