TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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