I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
