I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
