i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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