Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
