I think I am morally bankrupt
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need to calm my uterus...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
