you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
