you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
