It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This girl is more easily done than said...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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