So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize