she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
