Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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