I bet he comes in French.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
