The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
