Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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