We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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