the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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