I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
