Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
