is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
