I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
