So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
