he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Less talking, more tequila
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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