Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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