u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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