Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
