get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
