I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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