Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
