I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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