i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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