every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
