I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
