If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you would pick up someone in the library
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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