Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
