three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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