He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
