So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Randomize
