I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
