): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
