he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's never too late to be topless.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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