I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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