I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Enjoy the penises
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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