GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So much rum. So many feels.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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