Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize