why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
