when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
