Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
