worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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