i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm like, not good at living.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
