sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
