You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
