She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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