I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
