There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will pee on everything he values.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
