my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
