Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i need an iv and a liver transplant
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
