it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
