the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize