like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
