I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
