I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize