i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
