wakey wakey hands off snakey
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am naked and annoyed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
