So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
