Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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