What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
