the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
