Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
