DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
